A baby crying is an ordinary event, and we generally don't take it too seriously unless we are the one walking up and down at four in the morning trying to get it to sleep. But listening that morning, it was borne in on me that to the baby, it is quite different. It doesn't know anything, doesn't understand anything, and its distress is very, very real. If we saw an adult crying like this, we would be shocked, unsettled, deeply disturbed; hopefully, we would be anxious to help in some way. And yet, the baby's distress passes almost unnoticed. Of the five or six people waiting for the lift, no one said anything. And yet, I feel sure that the baby's distress, in that moment, was equal to anything that life could throw at any of us.
For a startling contrast, I witnessed a very similar piece of distress shown by a workman on the Brisbane Metro works the other evening. Although this man was not actually crying, I think it was a similar kind of meltdown. This chap was screaming, so hard his voice was cracking, and making little rushes at people, waving his arms. The gist of his screams was hostile, so although he clearly needed help, I'm sorry to have to admit that I did not attempt to help him. He was just too scary, and I thought probably one of his workmates might do something presently. I'm trained as a Mental Health First Aider, but in no way have I any training that could equip me to handle someone who has gone full-on berko. The first aid training is more to give people someone safe to talk to when they are struggling, and to help people to seek professional assistance in a non-judgemental way, that kind of thing. I knew I was out of my depth with this character. So I left the scene and got as far away from him, as fast as I could. I didn't want to be there and witness it if he attacked someone, and if he didn't, well Brisbane is a relaxed, tolerant place, and the way people seem to respond to mad people carrying on is just to ignore them and let them get on with it; to mind one's own business.
What I'm taking away fron these two incidents, though, is the reflection that often when someone is behaving badly, or in some way offensive, there is a hidden distress driving that behaviour. Now I'm not saying we should make personal unhappiness an excuse for bad behaviour, by no means, but I do think it's worth always bearing in mind the possibility of some iceberg of terrible distress floating below the surface, when a person is rude, or ugly in some way. This is a very stressful time of the year, when so many of us can be taken without warning by a tide of loss and regret when we think about those who won't be celebrating Christmas with us this year, and we can all stand to be a little kinder. Always.
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