When Friendships are Over

 

The fourteenth of December, 2022. Early in the morning, I looked out of my office window and saw this rabbit, sitting up all neat. I took this photo.

I'm not all that fond of rabbits, myself; to me, they are food, but I had this friend. Wesley was extremely fond of rabbits; he felt about them the way I feel about dogs, and cats. He had some in his family that he loved very much, and so when this presented itself to me, I snapped the picture to send to him; I thought it would give him a kick to see this wild one, sitting up in Australia, on the other side of the world. 

I never sent him the picture, though, because when I logged onto Facebook, Wesley was quarrelling with me. I can't remember now what it was about; I don't think I even knew what it was about, back then. 

Anyway, it all ended badly. I didn't pursue Wesley trying to recover our friendship. It's never a good idea to do that. If a friend has decided you're no good, you are not going to change his mind, and trying to will only hurt you more and cost you self-respect. You can't argue someone into liking you. I think I asked a mutual friend if she knew what the trouble was, and she said she didn't. So I just let it go.

The fact a friendship has ended, though, doesn't negate its value. In some measure, you are who you are now because of that friend. The fact that Wesley propped me up through a late night mood crash, when all my world had turned to icy darkness that time, isn't changed by his subsequent rejection. It is, indeed, quite possible that I wouldn't be here now, without Wesley. I was pretty low that night. He gave me a lifeline, a little thread of text and light that got me through the dark hours. He was a dear, good man, well of course I expect he still is, and I'll always cherish him for that, although we are no longer friends.

What is my point, you ask? I'm sure you do. I would have by this point. Well, I think it is that you don't have to turn on people. You just don't need to. If someone who's been a good friend suddenly doesn't want you in his life, you do not have to revise your opinion of him, turning your affection into dislike, turning all his good points to failings in your mind. Your friend is still exactly the same person as he has always been. The only thing that's changed is that he just doesn't like you any more. And you can accept that, and go on with your life, without spoiling everything that went before.

If this makes you go 'well duh', then please excuse me. But I see so many people turning around and changing their liking of their ex friends to bitter hatred. I have even known people to take down, or change, their reviews, if the friend is an author. It happens more than you would think. And it's bullshit. Not even to mention the fact that basing a book review on anything other than the book is wrong and evil, the thing is that when you read that book, or opened that gift, or shared that special joke, that friendship was true and real, and it isn't any less so just because it has ended. So don't do this. Don't hurt yourself some more, just because someone else got a whack in. Life's too short.