Why I Am Racist - the taint we can't scrub out.

If you have even read past the title, you're probably shocked AF. And that's okay. Shock is an appropriate response.

What I want to talk about today is the invisible, unconscious racism we all - well most of us, there may be some perfect individuals - are still tainted with, despite our best efforts. It's an uncomfortable subject, for sure. 

It's a kind of contra bias, a sort of balance to the oversensitivity some people of colour have, where any conflict is deemed to be for racist reasons. I still remember a huge quarrel I had with another student at college, back when I was only seventeen. That's a LONG time ago. You hate me because I'm black, he said. No I don't, I told him. I hate you because you're a prick.

Of course it's better not to quarrel with our fellow students, especially when we're both living on campus and have to share the laundry facilities. But quarrels happen and this kind of thing still happens too. People who are attached to their bigotry and want to preserve it often sneeringly call my fellow student's accusation (his name was Onga, I still remember him because I just disliked him so much) 'playing the race card', a dismissive, patronising phrase which makes my fur stand up whenever I hear it. But this kind of response, combined with an honest person's natural desire to weed out all racism from himself, has given rise to a kind of contra bias, where there's a presumption that we have to like a person just because he is dark skinned. What crap this is! An arsehole is an arsehole in any colour. Nevertheless, our responses tend to be modified even when we don't give way to this.

Let me give you an example. A kind of thought experiment. Suppose I am working in an office, working for a firm (thankfully those days are behind me, but I spent most of my adult life this way so I know all about it.) In my department is a man who is much younger than I am. He is not my boss. He presumptuously gives me some instructions, which he has no right to do, and he does so in a patronising way that really gets my back up. With me so far? I'm sure any female has had this kind of experience.

Now suppose that man is a European, like me. I might well say to him, 'Don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs, boy.' I say 'boy' to denigrate him and put him in his place. Of course it's rude. It's meant to be. It also reminds him of the fact I'm older and more experienced than he is.

Suppose, on the other hand, that this young man is a brown-skinned man. Now there is no way, no way in the world, I'm going to use the term 'boy' when I speak to him. No matter how offensive he's been. Because for him, the connotations are quite different. There's too much history of brown men being called 'boy', you can't avoid the association. So whatever I say to him, and I might still be very rude, it is never going to contain that word.

Do you see the inherent racism in this? I've modified my response as a direct result of my perception of the person's skin colour. I say perception, because I'm not American, and I can never really get my head around which nationalities count as 'black'. There are so many. What about Maltese people, for example? Are they black or white? Who knows. Only the Americans with their mental colour charts. 

Things like this are impossible to get rid of, I think, at least in our current society where racism is still a thing, and I suspect that one day when it isn't, these things will just not be a thing either. But it makes a complete nonsense out of anyone's claim not to be racist, just supposing anyone other than out-and-out deliberate racists ever made this claim.

Food for thought. We all have this kind of thing, but I think it's important still to be aware of it, lest it expand into areas where it isn't justifiable and righteous.